Rain Down

Darn, I had like a whole post typed out and my computer just lost it all. Let me try again.

It's raining. It's been raining all day; pouring, sprinkling and just plain old raining. I'm glad. I'm going in to work tonight after not working for a few days and it will be nice to have a slower night. Not many people come to a drive in restaurant in the rain.

I really should be doing school work instead of blogging about the rain. I have SAT stuff to study and college applications essays to write.

Does anyone here ever get really stressed out about school work? I usually do sometime during the school year and I feel like I'm on the brink of it now. There's one verse that's been really helpful to me, "I can do all thinkgs through Christ who gives me strength." This year I feel like God is more present in my life. Whenever I feel down or overwhelmed, He's the first one I go to for comfort. When I feel lonely, I cling to HIs promise that He'll never leave me. When I'm afraid, I remember that He is holding me up and protecting me. Life is so much better if you live it with God.

Well, that's all I've got for now. I'm off to do my school work.

Fear and Doubt

I did it again. Tonight I went into work and was scheduled to close with another girl. I was so scared. I didn't think I knew what to do. I was thinking about this before I went into work, and God just said to me, "I've gotten you through other things; don't you trust me with this too?" This was really meaningful to me. But why was I still scared? Everything went fine. It was great, me and the other girl had great team work. There was nothing to worry about. I was thinking about it as I drove home and didn't understand why, if every time I'm afraid God holds me up, I still get scared. Why am I so frightened of new situations? God is taking care for me, He's showed that to me. It seems like I'm not learning anything. Or do I not trust God as much as I think I do. I'm not sure.

And then right as I was coming up the hill to my house, the song "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North began playiing on the radio. It was a great reminder that God was with me, holding onto me, and that He'll never ever ever leave me and I can cry out to Him any time and He will be there to help me.

Ok, one more thing. Anyone else have trouble with doubt? Well, I do. Let me give you an example. I'm pretty certain I want to go to DeSales University for college next year. Actually, I'm very certain. I just feel a pull towards DeSales that I didn't feel for any of the other colleges I visited. I think that that's God's way of telling me that DeSales is where He wants me. At least that's what I thought. I guess I still think it, but now as I fill out an application for DeSales, I'm maybe wondering if I should also consider other colleges in case I don't get accepted or if DeSales isn't where God wants me. See, when I made up my mind that I wanted to go to DeSales, I pretty much ruled out all other schools. My mom asked me if I wasnted to visit Messiah and I said no. I don't know if I'm even going to apply to other schools. What if I'm making a mistake? Last night was really bad. Lying in bed, I just doubted my decision; I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. I've prayed about where I should go, but never got a really clear answer. But maybe the tug I felt towards DeSales is my answer. I feel so drawn to DeSales and sorta repulsed my all the other colleges. It's another trust issue. I need to surrender decision about where I go to college to God and trust that He'll take me to the right school and enable me to get in. But I'm afraid. Next year isn't too far away and I want to know where I'll be. I want to be certain. I want it all planned out. But maybe God doesn't; can I trust Him with that?

Alright, I'm through. I'm going to stop listening to "City On Our Knees" over and over and go to bed now. Thanks for listening.

Homeschooler

Ok, so at work today I told some people I was homeschooled. They thought that was really cool. But after they finished exclaining how cool it was, the first things they said were "Do you have any/many friends?" and "Are you going to go to college?" Why is it automatically assumed that homeschoolers wouldn't have many friends? I mean, I have friends. I may not have as many and I would if I went to public school. But although I don't have a ton of friends, I have good friends. And in my opinion it's beter to have a few good friends then a lot of friends you're not really close to.

And why wouldn't I go to college? Just 'cause I'm homeschooled doesn't mean I don't want to go to college. Yeah, it's going to be different but just because I'm homeschooled doesn't mean I can't or don't want to do it!

Psyched!

I haven't posted in a few days. Nothing has really been on my mind recently. Except for the vacation my family is taking in a few days. I am so psyched! We're going to Williamsburg to see the colonial town, then to Busch Gardens and on to North Carolina to a beach house my aunt's parent's own. It's so exciting because I've wanted to go to Williamsburg for so long and we're finally going! I get to stay in a hotel (this happens very rarely so it's exciting). I get to go to a big amusement park (we don't go very often), I get to go and live on the beach for a few days (I love to ocean and beach!) and to top it all off, I get to see my aunt and two of my very fun cousins! It's going to be great! Even the twelve hours in the car will be fun: reading, playing games, watching movies and listening to my music. I so cannot wait. But I've got to get through tomorrow and Tuesday first. Tuesday will be fine; just piano lessons and helping my youth leader's wife with her five kids (it's always a blast). I wish I could just skip tomorrow though. I have to work again. I worked Thurdsay, Friday and Saturday last week and I have to work again tomorrow. It's not a bad job; I'm just tired of doing it and being there. Five hours tomorrow....I'll survive. I have to hope of a vacation to get me through.

But just as the expectation of the vacation will help me be get through work tomorrow, shouldn't the hope Jesus brings get us through life? On the bad days, when nothing seems to turn out right, instead of getting angry, shouln't we look to God for strength? We should, but most of the time we don't. I for one certainly don't. Life is hard. Don't you agree? Life is so freakin hard. But that doesn't mean we give up and let it conquer us. No, we keep pushing for what we know is right and keep holding on to the hope of Jesus.