Fear and Doubt

I did it again. Tonight I went into work and was scheduled to close with another girl. I was so scared. I didn't think I knew what to do. I was thinking about this before I went into work, and God just said to me, "I've gotten you through other things; don't you trust me with this too?" This was really meaningful to me. But why was I still scared? Everything went fine. It was great, me and the other girl had great team work. There was nothing to worry about. I was thinking about it as I drove home and didn't understand why, if every time I'm afraid God holds me up, I still get scared. Why am I so frightened of new situations? God is taking care for me, He's showed that to me. It seems like I'm not learning anything. Or do I not trust God as much as I think I do. I'm not sure.

And then right as I was coming up the hill to my house, the song "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North began playiing on the radio. It was a great reminder that God was with me, holding onto me, and that He'll never ever ever leave me and I can cry out to Him any time and He will be there to help me.

Ok, one more thing. Anyone else have trouble with doubt? Well, I do. Let me give you an example. I'm pretty certain I want to go to DeSales University for college next year. Actually, I'm very certain. I just feel a pull towards DeSales that I didn't feel for any of the other colleges I visited. I think that that's God's way of telling me that DeSales is where He wants me. At least that's what I thought. I guess I still think it, but now as I fill out an application for DeSales, I'm maybe wondering if I should also consider other colleges in case I don't get accepted or if DeSales isn't where God wants me. See, when I made up my mind that I wanted to go to DeSales, I pretty much ruled out all other schools. My mom asked me if I wasnted to visit Messiah and I said no. I don't know if I'm even going to apply to other schools. What if I'm making a mistake? Last night was really bad. Lying in bed, I just doubted my decision; I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. I've prayed about where I should go, but never got a really clear answer. But maybe the tug I felt towards DeSales is my answer. I feel so drawn to DeSales and sorta repulsed my all the other colleges. It's another trust issue. I need to surrender decision about where I go to college to God and trust that He'll take me to the right school and enable me to get in. But I'm afraid. Next year isn't too far away and I want to know where I'll be. I want to be certain. I want it all planned out. But maybe God doesn't; can I trust Him with that?

Alright, I'm through. I'm going to stop listening to "City On Our Knees" over and over and go to bed now. Thanks for listening.